Tuesday, July 28, 2009

nia, u are still my one and only baby

the pictures above were taken about 3 weeks ago,when i was 6 weeks pregnant. the photo shoot was supposed to be an intimate one, between me and nia.and we dressed according to what ive been dreaming off all these while, white dresses :)

i was quite surprised when i found out i was pregnant, this time around i didnt cry like my first experience. in fact i was blank and felt a bit unready. but as soon as i found out on the 23rd june, i told my hubby n family and all of us accepted the news happily :) this time i didnt feel like announcing the news to everyone a.s.a.p, except to the closed ones. i felt unsure and all i wanted was to have a look at my fetus by going for a scan.

the next day i went for a scan at my gynae and i was about 4 weeks ++ preggy. the doctor couldnt trace the sack,it was unclear but i was positively pregnant.so she asked me to come again in 2 weeks time. when i was 7 weeks preggy, nia was admitted to the hospital coz she had food poisoning.i took 5 days to take extra good care of her until she fully recovered. so i didnt have the chance to see my gynae...

i just went to a g.p and did a scan.so there it was, the little sack but it took quite some time for us to see it clearly. i felt a bit different coz during nia's time,we could already see her heart blinking by 7 weeks. but the doctor told me it was still early so come in 2 more weeks time to see the heart beat.i took the scan picture and put it in my bag.from that day on, i started to feel love towards the little thing in my stomach :)

the feeling was different this time coz ive been loving nia with all my heart for 14 months and when someone new is expected,i felt confused, whether i can divide my love, care and attention equally??will i still have time for my lil shoba after this? my mom told me that it's a normal feeling for every mother.eventually, you will love all your children without any biasness.so i accept it and try to learn to be a mother of 2!

i went for my conference on the 21st-24th july and as soon as i came back, i was already 9 weeks preggy..no bad feeling at all, just vomitted once, a bit of nausea and everything else was good.until saturday evening i felt fatigue and lenguh2 badan...but i ignore it.ye lah,dgn layan budak 15 months yg tgh buas lagi kan...on sunday night,i started bleeding.was worried and i went for a scan straight away. the news that i got was not good at all and i waited to see my gynae the next day.

on monday, 27th july, i was still bleeding and my gynae confirmed to us that my fetus was so small and did not develop.in fact it's development was like a 6 weeks old fetus when it's supposed to be 9 weeks old.no heart beat, no little fingers or whatsoever.the sack was empty and the bleeding happened coz it's a natural way/sign of miscarriage. we have to face the fact that the fetus was defective and it's better to lose it now than later.

so i had a d & c on the same day.i was given a sleeping jab and as soon as i opened my eyes,lil nia was hugging me on the hospital bed.and we buried the unborn fetus in front of our house.

i believe there must be a reason behind this.Allah yg menentukan segalanya, mungkin ada rezeki di masa hadapan, insyaallah nia akan dapat adik lagi ya:) alhamdulillah,i am strong enough and i thank my family for giving me full support.

to hubby,i know how frustrated you are,i know u want a baby from hong kong right?sorry dear, ive been taking good care of it for 9 weeks and ive been eating all the supplements and milk religiously.but Allah has a better plan fo us, insyaallah.