Tuesday, July 28, 2009

nia, u are still my one and only baby





the pictures above were taken about 3 weeks ago,when i was 6 weeks pregnant. the photo shoot was supposed to be an intimate one, between me and nia.and we dressed according to what ive been dreaming off all these while, white dresses :)

i was quite surprised when i found out i was pregnant, this time around i didnt cry like my first experience. in fact i was blank and felt a bit unready. but as soon as i found out on the 23rd june, i told my hubby n family and all of us accepted the news happily :) this time i didnt feel like announcing the news to everyone a.s.a.p, except to the closed ones. i felt unsure and all i wanted was to have a look at my fetus by going for a scan.

the next day i went for a scan at my gynae and i was about 4 weeks ++ preggy. the doctor couldnt trace the sack,it was unclear but i was positively pregnant.so she asked me to come again in 2 weeks time. when i was 7 weeks preggy, nia was admitted to the hospital coz she had food poisoning.i took 5 days to take extra good care of her until she fully recovered. so i didnt have the chance to see my gynae...

i just went to a g.p and did a scan.so there it was, the little sack but it took quite some time for us to see it clearly. i felt a bit different coz during nia's time,we could already see her heart blinking by 7 weeks. but the doctor told me it was still early so come in 2 more weeks time to see the heart beat.i took the scan picture and put it in my bag.from that day on, i started to feel love towards the little thing in my stomach :)

the feeling was different this time coz ive been loving nia with all my heart for 14 months and when someone new is expected,i felt confused, whether i can divide my love, care and attention equally??will i still have time for my lil shoba after this? my mom told me that it's a normal feeling for every mother.eventually, you will love all your children without any biasness.so i accept it and try to learn to be a mother of 2!

i went for my conference on the 21st-24th july and as soon as i came back, i was already 9 weeks preggy..no bad feeling at all, just vomitted once, a bit of nausea and everything else was good.until saturday evening i felt fatigue and lenguh2 badan...but i ignore it.ye lah,dgn layan budak 15 months yg tgh buas lagi kan...on sunday night,i started bleeding.was worried and i went for a scan straight away. the news that i got was not good at all and i waited to see my gynae the next day.

on monday, 27th july, i was still bleeding and my gynae confirmed to us that my fetus was so small and did not develop.in fact it's development was like a 6 weeks old fetus when it's supposed to be 9 weeks old.no heart beat, no little fingers or whatsoever.the sack was empty and the bleeding happened coz it's a natural way/sign of miscarriage. we have to face the fact that the fetus was defective and it's better to lose it now than later.

so i had a d & c on the same day.i was given a sleeping jab and as soon as i opened my eyes,lil nia was hugging me on the hospital bed.and we buried the unborn fetus in front of our house.

i believe there must be a reason behind this.Allah yg menentukan segalanya, mungkin ada rezeki di masa hadapan, insyaallah nia akan dapat adik lagi ya:) alhamdulillah,i am strong enough and i thank my family for giving me full support.

to hubby,i know how frustrated you are,i know u want a baby from hong kong right?sorry dear, ive been taking good care of it for 9 weeks and ive been eating all the supplements and milk religiously.but Allah has a better plan fo us, insyaallah.

11 comments:

~f@R~ said...

:'( babe... take care of yourself and bb nia... insyallah bila ada rezeki allah will show you the way... you know you have all your friends here for you whenever you need us, right? *muackz* do extend my condolences to Cat for the loss...

: Farisa : said...

Omg Heart. I am truly truly sorry for ur loss. Ur one strong women! InsyaAllah you'll get pregnant again.I'm sure of it =)

xoxo

Voluptuous Vixen said...

hi.. im very sorry for ur loss.. but remember that the baby will be waiting for u at the heaven's gate.. be strong :)

najwa said...

everything happen 4 a reason n the next baby will be the one 4 nia 2 play with..wateva it is i was surprised 2 c u r so cool receiving the news eventhough obviously every mother will b sad over a miscarriage..no matter wat tini, the next one will be coming soon aite..n aku tak kesah kalau aku jd kawin next year kau tak dtg..aku dah ckp kat surei si kurus tue i nk buat another reception 4 my frens in kl..a small one..4 our close frens who didnt make it 2 kb..anyway luv u lots n nia 2..take care ton..

senioritasara said...

hi dear...so sorry for ur loss...insyallah ada rezeki masa akan dtg...maybe nia still needs ur 100% attention hehehe...

take good care

: Farisa : said...

and Shahril did a superb job with the photos! I love it (finally u managed to take the photos!)

U should hang it in the English black frame tu

fiena said...

there's a hidden blessing..fret not as im sure ur "rezeki" will come when u least expected it..u have my prayers dollie! lurvvveee those pics! upload byk sket plis =D p/s: think of happy thoughts like think of me =D hehe..or maybe u should think of abg "paul" (police) yg interview u last 2 days..u know wut i mean..hehe

al-Buduk said...

kirko... aku sebak.... :(
sob... sob....

twayblade said...

nice pics. and what bitter experience u had to go through. there'll be other opportunities. for the time being, let the 'nest' rest for awhile.

Malicious Mind said...

be strong k tinie :)

Mommy Stephanie Liah And Daddy Remy Rizal said...

cute baby,hot momma ;)