Wednesday, December 17, 2008

the girl with the guli eyes who always make my day :)

me n shugiga really miss the man of our life -BIG BARNEY. pls come home. we have so much ample space on the bed tho u know me n shugiga hate to squeeze in everytime u join us on our la-la land :p 4 days to go....

on the other hand, i received a lot n i mean a LOT of comments lately saying that i look slimmer, dah berjaya kuruskan badan, bla bla's a compliment, thank you (finally after 7 months) but it makes me wonder, "did i look THAT flabby back then??" hehe.tu lah seksanya n brape lamanya nak kurus balik if tak pantang betul2 waktu confinement period dulu.malas pakai bengkung, malas pakai stokin, minum air, one lesson learnt.if shugiga happens to get her adik 'one fine day', i know what to do.considering the fact that im a lazy bum when it comes to exercise n diet, i am very very grateful that finally things become normal again (or at least).

on my little munchkin yg sangat la nakal sekarang, these are her new activities right now:

1)finally, i cooked her meal last sunday after procrastinating.malas so bagi dia makan nestum je selama ni.i cooked the bubur + carrot + bayam + isi ikan =blend sampai hancur = SEDAP sgt!! no need to add garam coz it's not good for the baby.nia loves it very much (so does her mummy) n im proud to see her gaining back her weight n eat deliciously :) lepas ni nak try campur brocolli and kentang a bit.

2)nakal ya ampun.up to today, shugiga tak boleh merangkak.she lifted her butt but that's it, she's not moving forward, but upwards!!meaning, nia ni nampak tanda2 nak skip merangkak, dia nak terus jalan.mmg obvious sgt, she likes to stand n jump jump jump like there's no tomorrow.then she will laugh out loud everytime kita "tatih'kan, bravo lil girl, go n walk k?

3)it's very dangerous to put her in her cot nowadays, coz she will stand up n try to 'jump'.haha. letak atas katil lagi la, kalau unattended-a big no no.she is very determined, she will try to get the thing that she wants, since she cant crawl, she'll mengesot.n very laju okay!

4)dah mulut bising dah..nyanyi2 n bercakap..her first word (if it can be considered as a word)- "babah...." then "mamahh'' bile la dia nak reti sebut mummy kan?

5)suka tarik rambut ayu.kalau geram suka pukul2 guna tgn.comel sgt.

hmm..okay lah.kesian nia, lama tak swim semenjak sakit. u have to be grounded for a few more weeks kay sayang?i luv u to bits.i feel as if u r my best fren skrg, u accompany me when i came back from work in our room..when i was having my bath, when we had our talking session on the bed till we both fell asleep....huhu thank God you are around.when i was pregnant back then, i always hope that one day u will be my companion everytime daddy is not around.thanks lil barney:) n to BIG barney, balik cepat k :)

Thursday, December 11, 2008

The Price I Have To Pay As A Mother

phew.sebulan lebih dah tak update.n i got calls from few of my frens asking me to update on my lil shugiga.yerla..that's the main purpose of creating this blog pun..a lot has happened n my lil daughter has achieved new skills now that she's turning 8 months.

i didnt update on our bandung trip, however to sum it all it was an awesome trip for all of us especially nia who behaved really well, considering it was her first trip at the age of 6 months old:) i guess the pictures ive posted earlier dah menceritakan semuanya... however, before we went to bandung, nia demam sikit so a day before our flight, i brought her to the clinic n she took her medication to bandung.alhamdulillah nothing happened at bandung n she continued being active. balik malaysia, we went to pahang for buduk's wedding on the 9th november. as usual, nia ok jer n happy dapat jalan2 lagi :) balik je k.l, once we stepped out of the car, her body temperature naik sgt2 n jadi panas till i became we brought her to the clinic.the next day i had to take e.l coz nak jaga dia. by afternoon badan dia panas lagi so we brought her to az-zahrah. for the first time, she looked ill n slept n mengeluh in her sleep :( sampai az-zahrah, doctor tak masuk lagi n her temperature was 39'C. the nurse suruh masuk bilik wad sementara to sponge her.on the wat to the room, she vomitted.all her milks keluar.again, i felt like crying.di nampak lemah n kesejukan.we sponged her to lower down her temperature n masukkan ubat kat punggung, tu pun turun jadi 38'C je.

after 3-4 days, by the end of the week nia recovered from her fever n i was relieved :)after about 3 weeks, my barney kena demam n batuk2 right after impak maksima the musical finished.i understand, it must be because of the stress n surroundings he had to face during the theatre.tapi, yg takutnya kalau virus tu merebak dekat shugiga.tak sampai 1 day, the evil virus attacked me n i became 'coughable' n 'fluable'.huhu. nothing can be done, if barney can be restrained from sleeping in the same room with me n shugiga (untuk elak jangkitan), i on the other hand couldnt be separated from my girl. n true enough, the next day she started coughing.

on monday morning (1st dec) i brought her to see her paed again.and finally this time we got to meet her dr nik this time her phlegm dah banyak n it could be heard thru her breathing. her temperature mmg dah naik sgt waktu tu.for the first time, bak poney nangis while carrying nia who was asleep soundly n i heard her said "nia jangan sakit mcm ni sayang, mak poney mau balik"....n i couldnt help myself from crying...sedih sgt, mak poney dah jaga nia since she was born n i trusted her with full confidence when nia was with her..but she went back on the 6th dec coz her family missed her...kesian nia, mesti dia pelik kenapa tiba2 mak poney dia hilang :(

her paed decided that she needed the neubalizer/the oxygen to cairkan her phlegm n after that process she needed to see the fisio punya org to help her keluarkan kahak dia. oh my, nia cried as if she was beaten! bila die kena bedung/swaddle waktu nak keluarkan kahak, i tak sanggup tgk. barney helped to hold her n i stand facing the wall.she was crying helplessly mintak simpati n i know, mesti sakit gile kalau hidung n tekak kena cucuk dgn tiub dalam-dalam.i cried when she cried.owhhh ive never experienced this before...after the awful experience, we went to see her paed again n this time when she examined nia's lungs, she found out that it has been infected. jangkitan kuman di paru-paru/pneumonia.i felt as if someone just slapped me, ive read about lung infection few times somewhere n i know it's dangerous especially for a little angel like nia.i cried again.

the doctor also found out that her ear has been infected too.n she decided that nia needs to be warded. maybe 2-3 days or more, it all depends on her antibody. so dengan berat hatinya we registered her room n we went back to pack our things. lagi la sedih coz barney was supposed to go to perlis on the same day for one week.i was left alone with nia, and bak poney. we stayed in the hospital for 4 restless days. makan ubat every 6 hours, neubalizer every 3 hours, nia kena cucuk lagi, nia kena fisio lagi, nia kena masuk tiub untuk keluarkan phlegm lagi.mmg penat, penat n tak sampai hati nak tgk dia menangis meraung-raung every time the procedures had to be done.otherwise she was one active n happy girl.i rasa dia pun tak sedar dia kat hospital :)

during our 4 days stay in the hospital, i learnt something new.i learnt a lot about SACRIFICES. since i have nia, ive sacrificed a lot of my time for her. i couldnt go straight to bed after balik kerja like i used to do (even tho mata mmg gam, kepala mmg berat) but magically once i reached home, all the headaches fly away just like that everytime i see her. i also have to carefully plan my weekends coz weekends are the only days i have for her. sometimes i have to squeeze my time here n there to meet my girl frens coz i couldnt bring nia along. n time is precious, i have to be back as fast as i can coz i wanna spend time wif her.some people might not understand, wait till you become a mother. but those sacrifices are not enough.

when i stayed with her in the hospital, i knew, she has no one else but her mother for her to rely on. she's helpless and scared and i have to be there for her. i cried so many times on the first day but no more on the following days.i have to be strong n i have to show to her that life is more than just being sick. there are a lot more things to be afraid off out there. being the mata gam i used to be, this time i didnt sleep at night.i would rather look at her sleeping, monitoring her breathing n make sure she's okay. there's nothing more worrying than seeing ur child in a sick i know how uneasy the feeling could be. all i could think was to fight the virus in her body n make sure she took her medication completely.silently, i also have self conflict, i was scared at the same time coz i had no more leave n i had to be absent from work for a many things to think about... i played with her when the procedures are over n i hugged her everytime after the awful procedures so that she feels safe. on the 3rd day she started consuming less milk n food.n i felt like crying again. but i have to be patient and make sure she drinks her milk. SABAR became my new best friend. dah la husband takda, so i had to gather all my strength.

alhamdulillah, she was discharged on the 4th dec n could celebrate raya haji at at today, she has fully recovered.yesterday (11th dec) i brought her to the clinic again n her lungs dah clear. so i asked her paed to give the the pneumococal vaksin. it is quite costly but im traumatized n it's better for me to prevent than cure. hhmm..nia is turning 8 months by the end of this month and to me, this is just the beginning. the journey is still long and i believe, i'll learn thru the hard way in becoming a good mother. motherhood is the best especially when it comes to baby nia!!

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Thursday, October 23, 2008

to stop or not to stop

my baby girl is turning 6 months in 4 days time:) in 6 more months she'll be 1. at her last check up she was 8.3 kgs and 67cm tall! and up to yesterday, she can already walk in her walker and sit on her own without support for a few seconds:) owwhh..despite the fact that i cant wait to hear her talk n walk, i actually miss her being a newborn baby :( i still remember 6 months ago, she was so tiny and fragile. she couldnt even react to what we said or did to her. no smiles, no kicks, no punch, no tarian comel, no giggles. all she did was sleep, eat n poop. the most she could do was smile once in a while, while she was sleeping.

back then during my confinement period, i had difficulties breastfeeding her. during those 2 months, i had bengkak susu for only god knows how many times! she would gripped my nippy wif her tiny mouth n i would curled my toe tahan sakit.i never gave up, being a mother, you wouldnt wanna let your own flesh n blood missed her meal. when i had bengkak susu, i cried and cried n did all sorts of things to cure the pain. i even went to the clinic few times to get painkiller and antibiotics. at that time, all i could think was I WANT TO STOP BREASTFEEDING AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

little did i know, how much breastfeeding can give miracles and wonders to the mother and child. i did a lot of reading after that and i was ashamed for being so selfish. she deserved to get all the nutritions despite the pain i had to endure. and then i became aware of the benefits of breastfeeding.i even had a lil issue wif my parents when they tried to introduce her to solid foods at the age of 3 months!!haha i was so emotional at that time and even consulted the doctor to confirm that all my young girl needed at that time was her mom's milk.nothing else.i vowed to myself that i would breastfeed her AT LEAST up to 6 months.

when i started working in july, i brought my breastpump set to the office everyday without fail. during lunch hour, i knew my stock has reached the limit, the pain became stronger and everything became engorged.haha.i would pump n pump religously. i would put my lil stock in the fridge and took it out at 5 pm to feed my became a routine and obligation to me.i felt satisfied being able to furnish that responsibility n i was proud (silently in my heart).

in september,i was being undisciplined.i missed my usual routines due to some factors.u know the basic rule for breastfeeding is, the more the demand, the more the supply. due to less pumping in the office, my stocks became less.from breastfeeding her after working hours, it turned to breastfeeding her during sleep time only. and somewhere around 2 weeks ago, i started to train her not to breastfeed to go to sleep.coz b4 this she would only sleep if she got her nippy. and the moment finally comes....

finally she can now survive without my milk. and my stocks became almost nil. i have to admit i am very very sad about this.but this is what i chose.i chose not to have bleeding nipples, sore nipples, crack nipples etc....suddenly, despite of feeling relieved, i missed our special bonding moment we used to have every single day before this. i tried to feed her the other day and she 'accepted the offer'.owh i miss looking at her facial expression while breastfeeding!!only mothers know this unique feeling as it is undescribable. but again, i had to endure the pain of sore nipples.ouch.

i am still contemplating at this moment, whether to stop or not. but i guess the time has come.i have to train her and at least ive achieved my goal to at least breastfeed her for 6 months. (tho i wish i could bf her up to 2 years old!) things become easier, no more bf in public or shopping malls.dia dah tak manja sgt or bergantung harap pada benda yang satu ni je.hehe.and at least she has started consuming solid foods so i am rest assured that she gets all the energy she needs. tho i know nothing can compare to breast milk.

nia karlyssa, mummy will always cherish the intimate bonding moments we used to share before this.mummy have bever experienced such a wonderful magical feeling before.please remember them too ya?

Sunday, October 19, 2008

shopaholic craze

visit for new arrivals! will be updated 3 times in a week, the next round is on Thursday 23rd October and Tuesday 28th October!! more dresses, jackets, funky tops, elegant cardigans, belts and stylo bags!!

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

photofunia addict!!

once upon a time when shugiga was in my tummy
cat framed my engagement pic
please buy our special edition 'duet' album
the wedding dress i bought from italy
he adores me till he's old and wrinkly
my 3rd time appearing as a cover after urtv and media hiburan
our honeymoon vacation

my pumpkin
when people thought we were the most pretty girls!
motherhood love n my long lost ex!
wayang puteri jawa

incomplete picture
he stalks us coz we looked damn cute!
we appeared on paper on the first day of raya
this painting worth a million