to stop or not to stop

my baby girl is turning 6 months in 4 days time:) in 6 more months she'll be 1. at her last check up she was 8.3 kgs and 67cm tall! and up to yesterday, she can already walk in her walker and sit on her own without support for a few seconds:) owwhh..despite the fact that i cant wait to hear her talk n walk, i actually miss her being a newborn baby :( i still remember 6 months ago, she was so tiny and fragile. she couldnt even react to what we said or did to her. no smiles, no kicks, no punch, no tarian comel, no giggles. all she did was sleep, eat n poop. the most she could do was smile once in a while, while she was sleeping.

back then during my confinement period, i had difficulties breastfeeding her. during those 2 months, i had bengkak susu for only god knows how many times! she would gripped my nippy wif her tiny mouth n i would curled my toe tahan sakit.i never gave up, being a mother, you wouldnt wanna let your own flesh n blood missed her meal. when i had bengkak susu, i cried and cried n did all sorts of things to cure the pain. i even went to the clinic few times to get painkiller and antibiotics. at that time, all i could think was I WANT TO STOP BREASTFEEDING AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

little did i know, how much breastfeeding can give miracles and wonders to the mother and child. i did a lot of reading after that and i was ashamed for being so selfish. she deserved to get all the nutritions despite the pain i had to endure. and then i became aware of the benefits of breastfeeding.i even had a lil issue wif my parents when they tried to introduce her to solid foods at the age of 3 months!!haha i was so emotional at that time and even consulted the doctor to confirm that all my young girl needed at that time was her mom's milk.nothing else.i vowed to myself that i would breastfeed her AT LEAST up to 6 months.

when i started working in july, i brought my breastpump set to the office everyday without fail. during lunch hour, i knew my stock has reached the limit, the pain became stronger and everything became engorged.haha.i would pump n pump religously. i would put my lil stock in the fridge and took it out at 5 pm to feed my baby.it became a routine and obligation to me.i felt satisfied being able to furnish that responsibility n i was proud (silently in my heart).

in september,i was being undisciplined.i missed my usual routines due to some factors.u know the basic rule for breastfeeding is, the more the demand, the more the supply. due to less pumping in the office, my stocks became less.from breastfeeding her after working hours, it turned to breastfeeding her during sleep time only. and somewhere around 2 weeks ago, i started to train her not to breastfeed to go to sleep.coz b4 this she would only sleep if she got her nippy. and the moment finally comes....

finally she can now survive without my milk. and my stocks became almost nil. i have to admit i am very very sad about this.but this is what i chose.i chose not to have bleeding nipples, sore nipples, crack nipples etc....suddenly, despite of feeling relieved, i missed our special bonding moment we used to have every single day before this. i tried to feed her the other day and she 'accepted the offer'.owh i miss looking at her facial expression while breastfeeding!!only mothers know this unique feeling as it is undescribable. but again, i had to endure the pain of sore nipples.ouch.

i am still contemplating at this moment, whether to stop or not. but i guess the time has come.i have to train her and at least ive achieved my goal to at least breastfeed her for 6 months. (tho i wish i could bf her up to 2 years old!) things become easier, no more bf in public or shopping malls.dia dah tak manja sgt or bergantung harap pada benda yang satu ni je.hehe.and at least she has started consuming solid foods so i am rest assured that she gets all the energy she needs. tho i know nothing can compare to breast milk.

nia karlyssa, mummy will always cherish the intimate bonding moments we used to share before this.mummy have bever experienced such a wonderful magical feeling before.please remember them too ya?