im done with losing weight.

what's with the title? hmmmm i know i was right when ive been feeling all these symptoms for the past 4 weeks;

-craving for food,food and food
-dizzy, pusing2
-nausea, rasa pahit dekat lidah
-tired,sleepy
-extra 'bloated'
- and of course, red flag tak dtg!

alhamdulillah, im currently pregnant for the third time, entering my 8th week:)

i knew i was preggy on the day of aidiladha.did the test and it was positive. felt happy and ready mentally and emotionally this time. i had a miscarriage in july and my gynae advised me to 'rest' for 3 months. immediately after the 3 months ended, i got pregnant again. with the blessing that i got (subur/senang lekat org kata) still ada dugaan yang tuhan nak bagi.

i have to say im quite traumatized this time, coz i dont wanna lose my baby again.so i decided to keep it low until the day i can see the heartbeat. i went for my first checkup when i was 4 weeks 6 days pregnant. there was a sac but it was still early to see the heart beat. i was given 'duphaston' -ubat kuat rahim once a day. so, the doctor set me another date to see the heart beat, which was on the 19th dec when the baby was supposed to be around 7 weeks plus. by that time, there's supposed to be a heart beat -well that's what my gynae said.

so i went home feeling nervous, waiting for that date.i can tell you, i had sleepless nights, dreaming of the lil thing...im scared and was really hoping it would stay and grow in my womb. finally, the scariest moment came. it was on the 12th December, a week before i was supposed to see the heart beat. fyi, my nia was having a bad fever around that time, with flu and coughs. i had to handle her, crying in the middle of the night, vomitting and wanted to be 'dukung' all the time. so during maghrib, i went to the toilet and there it was, fresh blood spots on my panty liner. i cried and went panicked right there and then. my gynae was not available during weekends so i went to my family clinic to do a scan right away. the sac was still there looking al round and beautiful, the growth and measurement was right but there was no heart beat to be seen. only god knows how worried i was. the doctor advised me to have a bed rest, tak boleh dukung nia langsung and to monitor the bleeding. since the 'thing' is still there,i should take a good care of it,but i can never be too sure selagi tak nampak heart beat.Ya Allah, macam kena tindan dgn batu je perasaan nak tunggu nampak heart beat. rasa mcm nak beli machine scan and scan hari2 kat rumah. that was how i felt.

so, i was given mc for 2 days and to have enough rest. the next few days the vaginal discharge tu mcm brownish (darah lama). until tgh malam isnin, pinkish stain ada when i went to the toilet. i didnt dukung nia at all and she was passed to everybody else in that house BUT ME:( tapi,since budak demam, i still have to handle her and she's quite lasak, no wonder keluar lagi blood stain. i became fragile and literally couldnt do all the remeh temeh things yang before this in my eyes was no problem at all. turun tangga pun tak boleh..baring je la...

on tuesday i went to see my gynae coz the stail still came out.when she scanned my tummy, there was a big round sac but still, NO HEART BEAT. and i was already 7 weeks.scared as hell, she quickly did the vaginal ultrasound and as soon as the 'stick' was inserted into my v, masya Allah, there was a heart beat!!laju and normal and mcm nia dulu:)))) actually, the position of the baby terperosok and tersorok ke tepi that's why it was hard to see through tummy scan (mind you, our tummy skin tebal, dengan lemak lagi ) so vaginal ultrasound is the best way to see without any sempadan, it went direct to your womb and alhamdulillah my baby is still there and doing fine:) rase nak nagis sgt2 time tu.

at last all my prayers and questions have been answered. i was confused and my mind was so messed up and stressed up wanting to know is the baby still there or not coz the bleeding still continues. alhamdulillah it is still here, in my womb, growing and growing:)

my gynae told me the bleeding must be due to the thinning of my uterus during the process of conceiving..so nothing to be worried as long as there is a heart beat, darah tak fresh and mengalir mcm period.so a lot of rest need to be taken, no angkat berat (esp nia) at least until the end of my 1st trimester and my duphaston need to be taken twice daily. there will be another follow up check up next week to see the development of the baby. and oh, the spotting stopped completely after 5 days. my feeling?still scared and need to be extra carefullll.....sorry nia, it's not that mummy tak syg you ke apa,but mummy xboleh dukung nia, kalau tak sampai bila la nia takde adik :( sacrifice k sayang?

insyaallah...hope to see the baby in 7 months time:)