im done with losing weight.

what's with the title? hmmmm i know i was right when ive been feeling all these symptoms for the past 4 weeks;

-craving for food,food and food
-dizzy, pusing2
-nausea, rasa pahit dekat lidah
-tired,sleepy
-extra 'bloated'
- and of course, red flag tak dtg!

alhamdulillah, im currently pregnant for the third time, entering my 8th week:)

i knew i was preggy on the day of aidiladha.did the test and it was positive. felt happy and ready mentally and emotionally this time. i had a miscarriage in july and my gynae advised me to 'rest' for 3 months. immediately after the 3 months ended, i got pregnant again. with the blessing that i got (subur/senang lekat org kata) still ada dugaan yang tuhan nak bagi.

i have to say im quite traumatized this time, coz i dont wanna lose my baby again.so i decided to keep it low until the day i can see the heartbeat. i went for my first checkup when i was 4 weeks 6 days pregnant. there was a sac but it was still early to see the heart beat. i was given 'duphaston' -ubat kuat rahim once a day. so, the doctor set me another date to see the heart beat, which was on the 19th dec when the baby was supposed to be around 7 weeks plus. by that time, there's supposed to be a heart beat -well that's what my gynae said.

so i went home feeling nervous, waiting for that date.i can tell you, i had sleepless nights, dreaming of the lil thing...im scared and was really hoping it would stay and grow in my womb. finally, the scariest moment came. it was on the 12th December, a week before i was supposed to see the heart beat. fyi, my nia was having a bad fever around that time, with flu and coughs. i had to handle her, crying in the middle of the night, vomitting and wanted to be 'dukung' all the time. so during maghrib, i went to the toilet and there it was, fresh blood spots on my panty liner. i cried and went panicked right there and then. my gynae was not available during weekends so i went to my family clinic to do a scan right away. the sac was still there looking al round and beautiful, the growth and measurement was right but there was no heart beat to be seen. only god knows how worried i was. the doctor advised me to have a bed rest, tak boleh dukung nia langsung and to monitor the bleeding. since the 'thing' is still there,i should take a good care of it,but i can never be too sure selagi tak nampak heart beat.Ya Allah, macam kena tindan dgn batu je perasaan nak tunggu nampak heart beat. rasa mcm nak beli machine scan and scan hari2 kat rumah. that was how i felt.

so, i was given mc for 2 days and to have enough rest. the next few days the vaginal discharge tu mcm brownish (darah lama). until tgh malam isnin, pinkish stain ada when i went to the toilet. i didnt dukung nia at all and she was passed to everybody else in that house BUT ME:( tapi,since budak demam, i still have to handle her and she's quite lasak, no wonder keluar lagi blood stain. i became fragile and literally couldnt do all the remeh temeh things yang before this in my eyes was no problem at all. turun tangga pun tak boleh..baring je la...

on tuesday i went to see my gynae coz the stail still came out.when she scanned my tummy, there was a big round sac but still, NO HEART BEAT. and i was already 7 weeks.scared as hell, she quickly did the vaginal ultrasound and as soon as the 'stick' was inserted into my v, masya Allah, there was a heart beat!!laju and normal and mcm nia dulu:)))) actually, the position of the baby terperosok and tersorok ke tepi that's why it was hard to see through tummy scan (mind you, our tummy skin tebal, dengan lemak lagi ) so vaginal ultrasound is the best way to see without any sempadan, it went direct to your womb and alhamdulillah my baby is still there and doing fine:) rase nak nagis sgt2 time tu.

at last all my prayers and questions have been answered. i was confused and my mind was so messed up and stressed up wanting to know is the baby still there or not coz the bleeding still continues. alhamdulillah it is still here, in my womb, growing and growing:)

my gynae told me the bleeding must be due to the thinning of my uterus during the process of conceiving..so nothing to be worried as long as there is a heart beat, darah tak fresh and mengalir mcm period.so a lot of rest need to be taken, no angkat berat (esp nia) at least until the end of my 1st trimester and my duphaston need to be taken twice daily. there will be another follow up check up next week to see the development of the baby. and oh, the spotting stopped completely after 5 days. my feeling?still scared and need to be extra carefullll.....sorry nia, it's not that mummy tak syg you ke apa,but mummy xboleh dukung nia, kalau tak sampai bila la nia takde adik :( sacrifice k sayang?

insyaallah...hope to see the baby in 7 months time:)

nia's first tv show :)

haha.this was funny.it appeared live on air, on a sunday morning,on father's day (somewhere in june). my nia even pooped a loottttt few minutes before her call time and mummy yg gelabah cari toilet kat ntv7 tu to clean her and make sure she looks good on tv:)

the topic was about the relationship between a father and his child.mainly nia main2 dgn straw and got distracted, susah sangat nak pandang camera!!but thank god she was on her best behaviour and didnt cry at all tho she could see her mummy watching her behind the mirror!

ok nia,this entry is some sort of a reminder to you,maybe you still x mengerti waktu ni,but the host,he is MR. OS, a legend (at least to mummy and the gang!!haha our inside joke) i dont know whether you would feel proud or malu to tell your frens when you're big enough nanti on your first experience appearing on tv:p hahahahahah

nak ada adik baru ke??

the pictures above were taken in may, during our trip to hong kong when nia was about 13 months. that was the first time i saw nia 'feeding' her two bears, so i quickly grabbed the camera to capture the moment! we (me n hubby) both found it super duper cute to see her sharing her meal and milk with her bears,in her own will!tanpa paksaan, tanpa suruhan:)

ever since that day, she will not forget to include her bears if they were around her and at the same time she's having her milk or meal. my nia has developed her 'kakak-kakak' character, showing that she actually cares for another (in)human beings. hahah.

little did i know that at that point of time (may) i actually just conceived, no wonder why nia acted that way:) now, i guess nia is ready (for an adik). just wait and see k nia?for the time being, bermanja2lah anda dengan patung2 anda :)

mummy's F.A.Q

to all working mummys out there, im sure your mind will be 'interrupted' once i a while at the office, thinking of what your child(ren) is doing at home right?pity us, we cant be 24/7 around our kids to make sure they are safe n sound.unless in very rare cases where they will install the cctv at home to and can view 'live' telecast from their pc at the office. still, we can never know the EXACT situation.most of us rely on our maids, pengasuh or our own mummys:) just to share with all of you,as in my case, this is the normal-frequentlyaskedquestions to my maid.i mean, the exact same questions,wajib ada every day (dah mcm hafal dialog plak:p)

me:hello, nia buat apa

maid: ni,saya gendong/sedang main di dapur/sedang nonton barney, etc..

me: sudah berak?bila?berapa kali?

maid:sudah (sambil describe the condition of the stools) (in my case,i really need to monitor on nia's stool, ye lah fobia asyik diarrhea je)

me: sudah makan?

maid:sudah!banyakkk!tambahnya 2 kali...

me:sudah makan vitamin?

maid: sudah!vitamin sudah, kur kur maples juga sudah (hehe, kur kur maples tu actually scotts emulsion!!)

me: nia dah mandi? dia ok tak?ada nangis tak?

maid:sudah...ok ok ajaa..nie ketawa ketawa ni..kadang2 aja lewel,mau main di luar terus terusan.

ok,the text above is a real dialogue every single day i call my maid from the office.sometimes dalam sehari boleh 2 kali tanya benda yg sama.haha ,just need a sense of security. semenjak nia dh pandai borak ni, slalu gak suruh diorng pass the phone to her, hilang rindu:)

well nia, mummy used to ask myself last time, why must your nenek call our home to check on mummy when i was little..the event continued till i was in high school, sampai geram ok waktu tu!!i guess it's a deja vu now...huhu.bottom line is, every mum teringin nak tau apa anak dia buat 24/7.especially when u r so little mcm right now:)

dear anak dara mummy,

**my biggest frustation is when i had the urgency to go back home, only to find out that she was already asleep....it's equivalent to not seeing her AT ALL for one whole day...rugi sangat sangat dah satu satu hari...all i did was to look at her sleeping face and kiss her puas-puas :( well, that's one of the millions dillemas a working mother will have to face.... :( **

my 26th birthday celebration

finally, with this new baby + maxis broadband + sony cable (i lost the old one)= online and balas dendam uploading picturessssss (thanks barney!)

my first birthday treat, just the 2 of us. we both felt sooo like 5 years back on that particular nite :p

my second treat by my besties at kokopelli. recommended foods :) and ambiance too :) then they treated me with Cuci The Musical !

later that night, i was treated by my parents for a fine dining at ibunda. very privacy and nice foods too :) thank god my barney finally turned up (he had a show at mifa opening that nite) so the postponed bday dinner was complete!! a nice closure i must say:)

diarrhea made her thin

this is me, on my 2nd day at the hospital. i lost about 1000grams and i think i can wear skinny jeans now.haah.

i got this cute roxy bikini from auntie B :)

i "decided" to fall sick a day before mummy's 26th birthday.pity her :(

i finally got admitted on 2nd nov, my nenek's bday (see,i choose my date well!!) after 5 days of continuous diarrhea and vomitting....

this pic was taken on the first day i got sick (29th oct)..i was too tired of all the sickness and lack of sleep...thank God it was not rotavirus, just a stubborn kind of virus that only went away after 7 days residing in my chubby body :(

my little fairy- 4 days before she fell sick -12.5kgs

* alhamdulillah, my baby nia was discharged on the 4th nov after 3 days in the hospital and the diarrhea has stopped since then. according to the doctor, it must be due to the things she pick and put into her mouth.huhu. nia, pls take note that this is the 2nd time in this year that u broke ur parents' bank account!pls la syg,be more careful coz mummy couldnt control u when u r out of my sight :(

the girl in (high) heels :)

this picture was taken somewhere in june...it was your first real encounter with high heels :) and that's mummy's working shoes by the way..

u walked confidently and didnt collapsed! such a good try baby :)

posh spice kicik??haha

and just when we tought it was something funny, it actually became a habit to you! you became a shoe fetish since then!everytime u see mummy's heels or nenek's heels, u would go, grab and wear em'!

look at you, trying on my new shoes before i could even wear it!

and finally u got ur first pair of 'kitty' heels :)
haha it was not easy finding this for you!thought of getting a second one for you but the search was neverending... :( nasib baik la kasut hitam ni terjumpa dekat warta :)

remember nia, ur very first heels was bought at warta!

(if only u knew what warta means to mummy and frens!!haha)

2 inches??humm :) n u love wearing it inside the house :)

u seem to enjoy this shoes very much, do u know that? everytime we ask you to go and pick up a shoes before we go out, you will come out from the room with this pair!!

haha ur daddy mmg geje habis la!

this is another proof, main ptg2 dekat luar pun nak pakai kasut ni :)
oh, and do u remember the incident at ur playground dkt our love nest tu?ada sorng kakak darjah 5 tu screamed "eh main dkt padang pun nak pakai kasut tinggi ke??mana boleh!!"

haha u ignored her and went straight to the slide.if only u knew what she meant, i guess you would be embarassed and ran home to change ur shoes!!haha :)

bootylicious :) nyum nyum

well dear, you and your heels are inseparable (at this moment) even though daddy is so geje with this idea, mummy always smile dengan bangga everytime you take out this shoes!haha padan muka daddy, u actually proved him you are a girl!!a mummy's girl indeed!!